My thoughts tonight …. praying for healing!

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This is just how I feel. All I can do is pray and trust God to heal my mother. She’s been through so much, the pain makes it hard for her to get around. She was supposed to be here last month, but her symptoms were so bad the doctors won’t let her travel. We’ve made plans to spend Thanksgiving together. Praying she is healthy enough to travel. I’m trying really hard to be strong for my sister and my stepfather. But there are days and nights like this where all I can do is cry. The Bible says to ‘Ask and yea shall receive’ well I’m asking that the Lord heal my mother. Watching her go through this pain hurts me. But she’s so strong and she fights it every day. She inspires me.

I almost let myself get in my own way!

I’ve been dealing with a lot lately. My mom’s Lupus has been acting up and she is always sick. My sister is working full-time, in school full-time and taking care of her son. I’m working on building my business, going to school and trying to keep my head above water. Well I almost told myself that all this hard work was not worth the hurt, the rejection and the loneliness of wanting to fulfill my dreams. I think I have always wanted to be my own boss. I can be around people all time or I can hide myself in a corner and just be alone. Either way, I’m happy. I am where I am supposed to be. God is working in me and I am grateful. It took a HUGE leap of faith to start this journey and my faith is what’s keeping me here, but I almost let myself in get in my own way.

Being frustrated about the process of building my business, not being considered for writing gigs, being passed over on assignments get your spirit down. I got tired of being knocked down and was ready to give in to what everyone else was already saying that I wouldn’t make it and I am wasting my time. I am living out my purpose, every day is tough because I don’t know what’s going to happen, where my income is going to come from and it becomes overwhelming. People telling me that I need to give up and stick to a 9-5 job and just be happy with job security. Well a 9-5 is always job security, I know I’ve been laid off twice. Through out the whole day I just kept hearing God say ‘Be still, I am with you.’ DeWayne Woods ‘Let Go, Let God’ happened to be playing on the radio at the same time and I just lost it. Face full of tears, crying out for God to guide me, comfort me and protect me as I walk this journey. I am so scared because I can see the vision God has given me but I know that I can’t tell everyone because someone will make it their priority to discourage me. I keep a lot of things to myself  because I have experienced hurt when people that you trust so much don’t believe in you. I’m standing tall and I will get through this.

God is doing some amazing things in my life right now. I have been blessed beyond measure. My food blog Southern Root Kitchen is doing well and growing everyday. Next month I will be headed to DC for the Metro Cooking Expo Show. I’ll get to interview people about their businesses, check out demos from Food Network shows and even do some taste testing. I’m excited and thankful for the opportunity. I almost ruined my chances of progressing due to fear. I almost put myself and my weakness first and left God out of the equation. No more of that. I am here because God says I should be.

Irritation

Today was one of those days where I was just really frustrated. I woke up with an attitude and a headache…not good. My attention span was short. I couldn’t seem to focus on anything. No matter what I tried to work on nothing would come full circle.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I have a website to work on and articles to write. On top of a business to run. Lord, please allow me to focus on my purpose in life.

This journey is tough. I know people are not going to understand why you have me doing what you have me doing. Give me the strength not to second guess myself or you. I am your servant here to do what you have called me to do. I thank you for this gift. Thank you for trusting me to carry out this plan.